Wading through reality to get to beauty

I have to admit its been really difficult to be creative with no charger for my dead camera battery .  Hmmmm...working on that one.

One creative thing I did was watch a dvd of a college dance performance that I was in years ago.  I really didn't want to watch it knowing that I would feel insecure about what I would see in my dancing.  I kept looking at the disc walking past it and pretending to ignore it.  Finally I gave in and watched it.   

OK so deep breath...I was starting to look for myself  as dancers entered onto the stage.  I didn't see myself for a while and thought maybe I wasn't in that piece.  Then lo and behold in came the flat arch less feet.  For a while that was all I noticed.  I inwardly groaned.  The reality.  But as I continued to watch a beautiful thing happened.  I forgot about my feet.  I focused instead on the colors of costumes, the music, all the people I was surrounded by, the movement, the strength and support we gave each other.  Most important I focused on the journey my Heavenly Father was taking me on in the present.  On stage I'm sure what was going on inside my head was counting and worrying about dropping someone or falling, and then messing up a whole section of movement.  That didn't happen thank goodness!  Phew!

What my Heavenly Father was trying to tell me and has been for a long time now is to stop comparing myself to others in a way that makes me feel inadequate and inferior.  To be my own kind of beautiful (I think that's a song) flat arch less feet and all.  Of course it doesn't stop there.  The comparison list includes so many other things as you can imagine.  I have been trying to find that "beautiful" through prayer and scripture study.  Through sharing the gospel with others.  Leaning on my Savior and allowing myself to give and receive love.  I'm good about being a cheerleader for others not so good about cheering myself on.  I have to do it with the help of my Heavenly Father and through the example of Jesus Christ.  It can be hard at times.  Very hard.  That's the reality and the beauty.